she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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