Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
