I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
