Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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