gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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