we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
