My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
