i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize