im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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