in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Randomize
