Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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