Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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