they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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