My hair reeks of homosexuality.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm passing your future prison.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
