i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Randomize
