Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
