3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Randomize
