Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
