Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
