Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
