if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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