If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
