Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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