is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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