When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
