that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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