i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
