she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
