Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I bet he comes in French.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
