Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
