I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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