"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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