Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
