Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
