How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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