apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
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I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
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I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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