Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
