Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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