U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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