why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
