i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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