i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
