Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
