Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
