whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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