there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
