we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
