ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
