The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
