why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
