pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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