I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
