i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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