We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
