the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
