Define "chronic" masturbator.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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