Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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