he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
