We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
