Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
and she was petting her beer can
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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