just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dignity is for republicans.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
