i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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