I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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