So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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